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Thursday, August 3, 2006

Ann Coulter diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome

Alex Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale


Self-appointed conservative pundit Ann Coulter was diagnosed on Thursday with Tourette syndrome at Bethesda Naval Hospital, where she had been brought after suddenly suffering a severe onset of the disease. According to sources close to Ms. Coulter, she was struck by a prolonged bout of profanity and racial slurs mixed with subtle sexual innuendos and overt death threats while preparing to be interviewed on Fox News Channel.

Doctors raced to assess Ms. Coulter's mental stability, in order to establish a legal status on her mental fitness given her recent statements wishing death on Supreme Court justices and accusing September 11th widows of enjoying their husbands' deaths. They determined that she could legally be classified as having Tourette syndrome, which would make her statements involuntary. Theoretically therefore, she could not be held liable in cases of death to Supreme Court justices unless she actually kills the judge herself.

Medical professionals have recently tried to establish a medical precedent linking Tourette syndrome with repeated instances of plagiarism. They were additionally intrigued by this example of Tourrettes in a female subject demonstrating masculine secondary characteristics such as an Adam's apple and large hands.

It is unknown whether news networks and other programs will continue to invite Ms. Coulter on their shows after her unexpected diagnosis. Fox News is expected to continue to feature commentary from "terrorism expert" and "best-selling author" Ms. Coulter. This would be consistent with their official policy of employing questionably sane television personalities.

Ms. Coulter did comment on the story to our reporters, however it has been deleted due to the indecency laws recently passed by the US Congress.


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