Conspiracy theorist keeps winning at 'Clue'
Alain TerrieurLa Lune de la presse internationale
MADISON, WISCONSIN
Notorious conspiracy theorist Ben Lernen has once again won a game of Clue, bringing his winning streak to fourteen consecutive games. Family members and friends were disturbed to hear of the latest victory after recently discovering Lernen's penchant for conspiracy theories about the Moon landing, the JFK assassination, 9-11, and other important world events.
"It just doesn't make sense," said sister Candice Lernen. "He goes off all the time about how 9-11 was an inside job, about how there's no way 19 guys with boxcutters could have brought down those towers, and then he goes and wins at Clue all the time. I thought he was nuts but now I'm starting to wonder if he isn't on to something."
Lernen's mother said it doesn't make her son's points any more valid, even if he might be the best person in the family at unraveling mysteries. "Even if he's good at Clue, it doesn't mean he's right about the Moon landing being filmed in a TV studio in Area 51," said Mora Lernen on Thursday after her latest defeat at Clue.
Lernen's father expressed less doubt about his son's theories, but said that his son's recent Clue winning streak didn't automatically validate the other hypotheses. "I think it's important to consider all viewpoints, especially when there's evidence supporting them, but just because he figured out it was Professor Plum and not Miss Scarlet, like I had thought, doesn't necessarily mean the CIA took out JFK to start a war in Vietnam."
In accepting his latest triumph over his humiliated family members, Ben Lernen said it was time for the others to "accept the truth" and "change their world view," to conform to his theories about recent world events.
"History books aren't going to tell you the whole truth," explained Lernen. "They're going to give you the whitewashed version of events that the corporations and secret societies have approved, because they don't think people are smart enough to figure out the truth. But now, with the Internet, information is widely available, and people can make their own decisions about what happened.
"It was easy to figure out it was Professor Plum, because my research methods are superior to those in my family who aren't analytical about world-shaping events. Even if everyone knew it was with the revolver, it took my special conspiracy-oriented thinking to decipher Professor Plum's culpability in the Conservatory."
"It just doesn't make sense," said sister Candice Lernen. "He goes off all the time about how 9-11 was an inside job, about how there's no way 19 guys with boxcutters could have brought down those towers, and then he goes and wins at Clue all the time. I thought he was nuts but now I'm starting to wonder if he isn't on to something."
Lernen's mother said it doesn't make her son's points any more valid, even if he might be the best person in the family at unraveling mysteries. "Even if he's good at Clue, it doesn't mean he's right about the Moon landing being filmed in a TV studio in Area 51," said Mora Lernen on Thursday after her latest defeat at Clue.
Lernen's father expressed less doubt about his son's theories, but said that his son's recent Clue winning streak didn't automatically validate the other hypotheses. "I think it's important to consider all viewpoints, especially when there's evidence supporting them, but just because he figured out it was Professor Plum and not Miss Scarlet, like I had thought, doesn't necessarily mean the CIA took out JFK to start a war in Vietnam."
In accepting his latest triumph over his humiliated family members, Ben Lernen said it was time for the others to "accept the truth" and "change their world view," to conform to his theories about recent world events.
"History books aren't going to tell you the whole truth," explained Lernen. "They're going to give you the whitewashed version of events that the corporations and secret societies have approved, because they don't think people are smart enough to figure out the truth. But now, with the Internet, information is widely available, and people can make their own decisions about what happened.
"It was easy to figure out it was Professor Plum, because my research methods are superior to those in my family who aren't analytical about world-shaping events. Even if everyone knew it was with the revolver, it took my special conspiracy-oriented thinking to decipher Professor Plum's culpability in the Conservatory."
posted by Monsieur le Professeur @ 5:58 PM
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