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Saturday, January 20, 2007

Bill O'Reilly releases new book


Candice Maistaille
La revue politique internationale

FOX News pundit Bill O'Reilly has released another book, detailing his side of a longstanding sexual harrassment lawsuit that undermines the dignity of the famous television personality. After years of being the victim of spurious attacks, lawsuits, name-calling and chastising, O'Reilly has finally decided to counter critics that call attention to his hypocritical and cowardly actions.

In a hard-hitting, irrefutably irrelevant diatribe of long-winded defensive essays, O'Reilly outlines why he feels he is only a patsy in the bigger game of television opinion-based news punditry. His paltry vocabulary and lackluster logic skills combine with a monotonous writing style that is sure to entertain any loyal FOX news viewer. Moreover, the sexual scandals are sure to fascinate any captivated readers by appealing to base reptilian instincts and emotional, reactionary responses.

"Well, Andrea Mackris, you accuse me of improper sexual conduct. How dare you aide the terrorists in their fight against our freedoms," one of the passages in the Second Chapter, Harrassment versus Treason, explains. "Obviously you haven't learned the lessons of September the eleventh. We didn't ask the terrorists to attack us, but they did anyway. And your allegations against me only serve to help their cause. By accusing me of sexual harrassment, Ms. Mackris, you are simply committing treason, and for that you should be punished."

O'Reilly reaches a general untenable thesis that supports execution of anyone who brings "spurious sexual harrassment litigation." He contends that such judgements should be reached through secret military tribunals, where sexual allegations would give way to mandatory death sentences to be carried out by American military and/or FOX news execution squads. O'Reilly argues that "swift justice" will ensure "protection from future September the elevenths," as well as the safeguard of our "freedoms and liberties here at home."

Without doubt, O'Reilly has launched a successful new addition to his already impressive line-up of fictional political works. The Vibrator Zone is sure to resonate with lonely readers across the nation, causing a buzz among FOX news loyalists and ensuring O'Reilly's place on the nation's punditry pedestal for weeks to come.

Also from Candice Maistaille: Sean Hannity: Deliver Us From Truth


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