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Monday, January 8, 2007

New iBubble lets users cut themselves off indefinitely

Apple takes lead in socio-isolation technology

Alex Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale


Consumers were excited on Monday to learn about the latest development from Apple laboratories which will soon be available for purchase on the retail market. The new, innovative iBubble will allow consumers to listen to music, initiate virtual dream sequences, upload the Internet directly to imbedded neuro-transmitter connectors (not included), and, eventually, play over 100,000 different video games without lifting a finger.

Retailing initially for about $500, the iBubble consists of an iPod-like device which can be put anywhere. It then creates an isolated electro-magnetic field which allows the user to have a completely private environment, from which virtual music, games and Internet can be hooked directly to human brain neuro-transmitters. The device will support iTuneOut 2.0 software, and has USB and Firewire incorporated. Battery-life autonomy is expected to be around 6 months, but later improvements and add-ons should give the device almost unlimited power autonomy, possibly even running off human body heat. This would let users have an indefinitely long "iBubble experience."

Apple had hoped to unveil the surprising new technology before the Christmas buying season, but due to restrictions and National Security concerns with the continuing War on Christmas, its announcement was delayed until today. Consumers have already lined up in some Bay Area stores to get their first look at the revolutionary iBubble.

"This is going to totally like change the way we, like, think, about, like, everything," said local Apple consumer and iPod enthusiast Bart Ender. "If I would a had this when I was 12, my life would a been way easier up to now."

Indeed, Apple intends to market the product to consumers who are looking for alternatives to perscription medication for Attention Deficit Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Nintendo Thumb, or Bob Dole's Disease. Potential markets would be lucrative: war veterans, school children, Katrina victims, prisoners, and so forth. The iBubble is "set to revolutionize the info-tain-music-inema industry," said Apple spokesman Mike Ash. "This will change the way we think about thinking."

The bold industry move comes at a time of intense pressure for Microsoft, which has been struggling to release its new Windows Vista software. Speculation about the delay ranges from software glitches to vast NSA conspiracies run by the shadow government. Software designer William Maykett suggested that Microsoft is "struggling to keep up with innovative industry standards, such as the iMac, the iPod, and now, the iBubble." Now, as Apple enjoys continued marketing success, Microsoft finds itself in an uphill battle for bragging rights in a tightly controlled tech industry.


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