Bush looks to groundhog for Iran intelligence estimate

President to obtain critical information from omniscient creature

Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PENNSYLVANIA

President Bush honored Groundhog Day on Friday as he travelled to Punxsutawney, Pennyslvania, in order to consult in high-level intelligence briefings with Phil, the famous groundhog. On the agenda were sensitive materials concerning Iran's nuclear program, weapons of mass destruction, and the continuing War on Terror.

The President was expected to use the groundhog's intelligence predictions as a basis for upcoming diplomatic and military moves against the breakaway, isolated Republic that has brazenly proclaimed its right to develop nuclear technology, in the face of non-declared nuclear powers such as Israel. The omniscient animal is expected to give the President precise details about possible options in dealing with the rogue state, which Phil the groundhog has previousl named as part of the "Axis of Weasels."

It is unknown exactly what Phil the groundhog will tell the President; however, if Phil sees WMDs in Iran, it may mean another 6 years of war, some analysts have speculated. If Phil fails to see the WMDs, the war may end sooner. Sources within the White House withheld comment due to the sensitive nature of the intelligence briefing.