Gonzales to plead insanity at Senate hearing

Attorney General cannot be held legally responsible for actions due to mental incompetence

Alex Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

WASHINGTON, D.C.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who is set to appear today before a Senate Committee, is expected to plead insanity in the case of the eight fired federal prosecutors, sources have told the La Rochelle Times. Gonzales intends to establish a legal framework for his complete and total mental incapacity to deal with any issues whatsoever, so that he cannot be held responsible for his decisions regarding his scorched-earth policies at the Justice Department.

“Well, it’s a hail Mary, to be sure, but what else have we got?” said Lee Galeez, an advisor to Gonzales. “It was his idea, actually. When I told him his claim that he was not involved in any discussions about what was going on was nuts, he leaped up and screamed, ‘that’s it! I’m nuttier than a Squirrel Nut Zipper bar.’”

Senatory Patrick Leahy commented late Wednesday that “if I said this is crazy, I’d be playing right into his hands. At this point I’ll defer any comment until he testifies.”

It has been reported that Gonzales is expected to appear in bedtime attire, such as pajamas and paper slippers, in order to reinforce his insanity plea. Certain sources with foreknowledge have also stated that aides will be placed closeby with drool cups to create a more dramatic effect for the Senate committee.