Latest Bin Laden tape calls for new 9-11 investigation
La Lune de la presse internationale
"I demand, by the will of Allah, a new inquiry into my involvement in the holy war against the Great Satan of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under Allah, Allah is grand," said the official government translation of the video. "My networks tell me that many Americans have doubts about my guilt. By the will of Allah, a new investigation will show all the evil Americans the egregiousness of my atrocities."
Indeed, it would appear that Bin Laden's claims have been backed up by recent polls conducted within the United States. According to Zogby, a known liberal conspiracy-based survey enterprise, 70 million Americans support a new 9-11 investigation, while the FBI has not listed Bin Laden as being wanted for the September 11, 2001, terror attacks.
According to government sources, the Internets have recently been infiltrated and compromised by covert conspiracy-theorist operations. Bin Laden's latest statement serves to bolster the government's claim that Bin Laden alone masterminded the terror attacks, without any domestic help or foul play in order to overcome America's multi-billion dollar, advanced military defenses. In calling for a release of new evidence to incriminate himself, Bin Laden is once again provoking the United States, which remains vulnerable as the War on the two fronts in Eurasia continues to guarantee our safety.
Experts were quick to interpret the latest message. Early Thursday on Fox and Fiends analyst Jack Kass called the new Bin Laden confession "another damning piece of evidence that our fight against evil Muslim islamo-fascist fascists has only begun," reiterating that "support for the war effort in Eurasia must not diminish." A related Faux News Alert urged consumers to remember to fill their vehicles promptly and buy more Victory Coffee in the coming days. Democratic party leader Neil Downe, who has previously supported the terrorists in their bid to invade and occupy the United States, called the latest Bin Laden video "political one-upmanship," while also stating it was "an unexpected development."