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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Study: Kennedy assassination ruled 'accidental'

Committee sheds new light on President's death

Alex Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale


An independent, bipartisan, lesbian and transsexual (IBLT) committee released its findings about the assassination of John F. Kennedy on Tuesday, ruling the untimely President's death a "coincidental accident." Kennedy's death has long been the subject of conspiracy theories, including Oliver Stone's film JFK, which have fueled speculation about a larger conspiracy than the "lone gunman" theory supported by the Warren Commission in 1964.

The IBLT findings indicate that not only was there a lone gunman, but that the assassination was actually a random accident. According to the study, Lee Harvey Oswald was merely sighting birds and other fowl during his lunch break at the book depository on Dealy Plaza. Due to the heavy workload at the book depository, where Oswald had worked for a period of several weeks, stress and fatigue played a role in the fatal mishap. In an unfortunate miscalculation, Oswald mistook the President's motorcade for a covey of quail, firing directly at the President, instead of the intended flock of birds.

The consequences, of course, are well understood. While profoundly shocking the nation out of its "nuclear age" innocence, Kennedy's death allowed an increase in troop strength in the Vietnam conflict, as well as a long string of Leaders who supported the war effort in Eurasia. The tragic accident has reverberations even in the current Bush administration, which has continued the nearly fifty year old struggle on the wider fronts of the Eurasian continent.

"We applaud today's findings of the IBLT committee, and hope that this puts to rest Americans' doubts about versions of previous commissions," commented Senator Phil Abusder (D-MI) on Tuesday. "Obviously the IBLT findings are unbiased and well grounded, and we hope that the country can now have closure more than forty years later by accepting the 'accidental bullet' theory."

Abusder's comments alluded to the fact that since 1963 alternative media and the Internets have been abuzz with theories that unsuccessfully attempted to establish a wider conspiracy to assassinate John F. Kennedy. The conspiracy theorists point to motives such as escalation of the Vietnam War, the failure of the Bay of Pigs invasion, Operation Northwoods, and the Federal Reserve's abolition of the silver standard as contributing factors. The IBLT Committee findings dismissed these eventual motives for assassination as coincidence, while favoring the "accidental bullet" theory.


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