French auto industry welcomes Sarkozy win
La Lune de la presse internationale
"On average, every day in France there are three hundred cars that are burned," explained François-François François, a spokesman for Renault. "With Mister Sarkozy coming to power, we hope that we can double or even triple this number. People in France will have to buy more and more cars to replace the burned out ones, and this will quickly improve our profit margins."
The directors of several French automobile companies will soon hold a meeting with the new government in order to formulate new political measures and stimulate economic growth. They hope to develop plans to bring about more violence in troubled neighborhoods and sensitive areas, in order to rapidly increase the demand for new vehicles that will be produced cheaply in Eastern Europe. Citizens will be encouraged to replace their destroyed vehicles with new ones at three times their actual retail value in order to help improve the French economy.
"This is a new plan which goes perfectly with the ideologies of Mister Sarkozy," commented Destin Toulouse, a member of Peugeot's Board of Directors. "By creating some more misery in the poor areas, we create more violence, and a lot more cars will go up in flames. With the new strikes we're expecting, public transport will be at a standstill. So, out of necessity, people will have to buy new cars on credit, and that will prop up the banks, the automotive industry, and even the justice system. The Socialists could never have given us such an opportunity."