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Sunday, May 6, 2007

Sarkozy wins French election with 129% of the vote

'We believe the results are completely trustworthy,' says Interior Ministry

Alex Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale


Conservative presidential candidate Nicolas Sarkozy easily won the second round of the French elections Sunday, taking in a whopping 129% of the popular vote, sources reported to the La Rochelle Times. Socialist candidate Ségolène Royal received a mere -29%. The vote tally was based on a new computer system set up by the Interior Ministry, which used an experimental calculation method. In socialist-leaning neighborhoods, as well as areas with high percentage of government employees, all recorded tallies gave two votes per person to Nicolas Sarkozy, and negative one to Ségolène Royal. In more "normal" communities, with a white majority of households who earn more than forty thousand Euros annually, each vote was counted only three times in favor of Mister Sarkozy. According to the Interior Ministry, the new system "worked quite well" and "the result is very reliable, if perhaps somewhat audacious," explained Anne Equedotte, a spokeswoman for French polling places. "There's really no reason to doubt the results," she added. "We believe they are completely trustworthy."

France celebrates its new President elected by a supermajority

Throughout France people welcomed the results and began looking forward to the new "Sarkozy era."

"It's awesome that Sarkozy is President," said a young man from a poor neighborhood in Nantes. "I mean I've had enough of going to school and all that, and now I'll have it easy in prison. I won't have to take care of my family and my neighbors and all that bullshit. It's going to be fucking great!"

In Bercy there was a similar mood. "Hell yeah, it's awesome that Mister Sarkozy got elected!" explained a student from Paris' prestigious Ecole de Sciences Politiques. "I'm happy that we French had the sensibility to elect a new President by an absolute supermajority, who won't be afraid to reform everything to be more like the United States. It's about time! I'm so fucking happy about the results! And I think every French person should be obliged to think the same way, because there's absolutely no reason to doubt the voting results."

The new President-elect was expected late in the evening for a speech in Paris. Most of the electorate that voted in Socialist-leaning communities were ready to leave as early as tomorrow for new re-education camps, where they would learn how to respect their new President and render service unto the Republic under his new leadership.

The highly reputed La Rochelle Times will keep readers informed of this story as it develops.


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