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Friday, September 21, 2007

Disgruntled employee can't wait until manager checks e-mail

Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale


Local fastfood restaurant employe Tara Buhl has become so disgruntled with upper level management that she has reportedly e-mailed pornographic pictures to her superiors in an elaborate attempt at insider blackmail that is destined to fail, sources reported to the La Rochelle Times on Friday. The bitter, caustic worker, who has worked increasingly longer hours at minimum wage for over six years, has "finally had enough of this bullshit job," it was learned early this morning.

In a fit of rage and vengeance, the grudge-bearing wage-earner gathered an assorted and offensive collection of photographs from a well-researched cross-section of pornographic Internet sites. The compilation, which will appear instantly on the screens of her higher-ups via e-mail, contains "an unbelievable amount of offensive erotic and fetish material," said Buhl. "I even sent them the links to the sites if they want to look at some more."

Buhl expects to lure some upper managment into consulting her pornographic references; then, upon employment termination, she will accuse random higher-ups of sexual harassment, abuse and exploitation. In so doing, Buhl is hoping for a protracted court case and legal settlement that would provide "tens of billions of dollars" for her and her family. Buhl's lawyer, Cheri Pikker, insisted that the record of abuse from higher-ups "will soon be well documented and easily provable through compromising digital extortion techniques. We may even ask the NSA for help on this. As a result we expect a large settlement and compensation package."

Inside sources have also reported that upper-management is aware of the plot and taking steps to avoid falling into any "porn traps" set up by "low-level peons" who "don't seem to understand their place in the company." The sources, who have asked to remain anonymous, said the "blackmail Internet porn scheme is ultimately destined to fail."

Regardless of the outcome, Buhl was excited after sending the pornographic links to her superiors. "I can't wait until they come in on Monday and check their messages," explained Buhl yesterday evening. "They'll never expect it with the subject line I used: 'Re: New delivery guidelines.' The look on their faces will be priceless."


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