"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him understand the idea of subatomic particles that make up the basic building blocks of quantum mechanics underlying the innate vibrational nature of matter itself."

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Point-Counterpoint: Investments

Finance Guru: 'Women are not sound investments'

Rich Banker
Investment Counselor

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that most women do not make good investments. Putting money into women just simply doesn't give you a lot of return in most cases. It requires constant vigilance, disciplined management and a keen eye for timing in order to earn a good return from women these days.

I've seen many investors simply fold, give up and walk away after having poured thousands, in some cases even many tens of thousands, into women. It's never an easy situation after an investor has been burned, thinking initially that women could be a safe bet but in fact finding out that they are incredibly volatile, hard-to-price and can very often default on expected returns.

So as this recession continues, I'd hold off putting my money into women and stick with other assets that are more robust. Don't get me wrong, some types of women can give you healthy, honest dividends for years and even nice placement options that sometimes surprise investors. Indeed, at certain times they can even seem like a safe bet. But don't let looks deceive you. If you have money that you want to invest, I urge you not to put it into women.

Housewife: 'The safest place for money is in my purse'

Goldie Chaynes
Financial Holdings Strategist

Any men out there who want to invest should put their money directly into my purse. In fact, that is the only safe place for money these days.

With the recession continuing, stocks falling, mutual funds deteriorating and bonds giving little-to-no return at all, investors need to start thinking about my purse as the best place for their cash. I don't see many other long-term options.

By putting their money in my purse, I will be able to spend it on whatever I think will hold its value the most. Right now I'm considering some diamond-encrusted gold earrings, black leather pumps and that new Armani handbag that just was put on display at the mall last week. All of those should be long-term winners that will allow my wardrobe portfolio to grow.

Investors need to rethink their options in these hards times and my purse is about all there is to choose from any more. If any individual investor wants to continue to do business with me, he needs to put that cash directly into my purse today.


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