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Sunday, August 19, 2012

Robotic Monarch to Replace Queen Elizabeth II as British Head of State

New indestructible 'Krown Jules' shall govern automatically

Howie Dewitt
La Lune de la presse internationale


The British Crown announced late Friday that they are preparing for a transition to an automated system of monarchy in the coming years. A new robotic monarch, quaintly named 'Krown Jules,' will take the reigns of power from Queen Elizabeth II and help transition the British public to a more modern system of robotic, automated governance, authorities told the La Rochelle Times.

"We expect this new monarch to be able to hold the throne for the next two or three thousand years, perhaps longer, depending on our replacement parts," said Embassy spokesman Darren Deeds. "It's the logical replacement for the current Queen, to whom we owe our gratitude for allowing us to be such loyal subjects during these last sixty or so years. But frankly, the line of succession is a nightmare. The princes have a lot of baggage, so we figure it will just be easier to make everything automated at this point. Krown Jules is a great solution to all of this."

Making current monarchs redundant has received some popular support, but the remaining human royals will be guaranteed large pensions and comfortable living arrangements, "at least for as long as we can keep the British people subjugated," said Deeds.

The automation process goes along with the increasing surveillance state apparatus being put in place across the United Kingdom.

"It's only logical that we would have a robotic monarch, what with all the security cameras, Internet surveillance, facial recognition techniques and what have you," said London resident Chuck Eupharlie.

"I personally support any and all curtailment of my personal freedoms and liberties in order to feel safer, and this just confirms that our useless, outdated and totally symbolic head of state will better conform to that image."

Krown Jules is expected to be able to perform all of the regular functions of a Head of State, including shaking hands, being visible and appearing to be an authority figure.

The coronation ceremony will be announced in the near future, but Londoners and their pocketbooks are expected to be given some time to recover from the Queen's Jubilee Celebration and the Summer Olympics before further tax and price increases, budget restrictions and governmental changes can be enacted.


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