0.0003% of America turns out to protest war

Protest too pathetic to be of any importance whatsoever

Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

WASHINGTON, D.C.

Liberals, conspiracy theorists and leftist bloggers have fueled claims recently that America is "turning against the war" on the two fronts in Eurasia, while the Leader has faced resistance lately to his new Three Year Plan. The initiative includes sending 21,000 more troops and a surge in 'Support Our Troops' bumper stickers. Yesterday protesters descended on Washington to voice their opposition to the war and the Leader's policies.

However, the 100,000 protesters represented a mere 0.0003% of the population of the United States, estimated at 300,000,000. Therefore, the protest was considered an abject failure and a complete waste of time, as it takes its place among other protests that were completely ineffective.

Political analysts and pundits were beside themselves with laughter after the paltry and pathetic turnout. On the highly accredited Fox and Fiends, commentator Jack Kass expressed his amusement at the "ridiculous anti-war movement," stating "they could only muster three ten-thousandths of a percent of the population" to support their cause. "They should just shoot themselves in the head," Kass added.

War protesters stated that the rally was a huge success, and that the media had underreported partipcation.

"The media doesn't like to report on anything that goes against the Leader and the establishment," said demonstrator Neil Downe. "They prefer to say that people like us should just go away, and they play with the numbers, instead of actually asking why people are protesting in the first place."

Cable news stations were expected to move on quickly to other, more pressing topics, such as abductions or rapes of minors that were expected to take place in the coming days. The horribly insignificant turnout at the anti-war protest may affect future demonstrations that show opposition to the glorious Leader and his plan for victory in Eurasia. Nevertheless, the 99.9997% of the population that did not participate is urged to show support by buying more Victory Coffee and engaging in joythink about the state of the Union.