Cat disobeys order to 'fetch'

BREAKING NEWS ...

Refusal could have consequences at meal time

Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

OCONOMOWOC, WISCONSIN

Cat owner Selma Kahr was disappointed Monday morning when local cat Tinkers disobeyed a direct order to fetch, contradicting years of methodical training and preparing for just such a moment. Tinkers, sometimes refered to as "Tink," has long been practicing the pursuit and retrieval of small objects such as plastic bottle caps.

However the grueling training came to an abrupt halt when Mrs. Kahr threw an object, and followed with a clear and distinct order to "go fetch." Tinkers showed no emotion as he blatantly exceeded the authority of his owner, yet remained stationary and refused to engage in the retrieval exercise. Direct eye contact was not broken for nearly twenty seconds after the incident, thus adding to the trauma.

Shortly thereafter, Mrs Kahr was bedeviled by guilt and frustration.

"I just don't understand why he refused to do it," explained an emotional Mrs. Kahr on Monday afternoon. "He's been so good at it lately. I throw the bottle cap, he goes and gets it and brings it back. Sometimes he even meows to get me to play. But today it's like he forgot everything."

It is unknown at this time whether the refusal to obey direct orders will result in mealtime consequences for Tinkers. Sanctions could include a reduction of alotted chow or elimination of secondary treats such as small amounts of whipped cream or tunafish. Analysts have also remained skeptical as to whether this could be part of a larger movement among felines in the neighborhood. The incident complicates Mrs. Kahr's misfortunes, after the "Proud to be an American" sticker started fading off her mailbox last July.

Stay tuned to the 24-hour cable networks for late-breaking updates on this important story. The La Rochelle Times will also continue to dedicate most of its resources to this pressing national tragedy.