THE LA ROCHELLE TIMES

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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Presidential candidates promise to look like they are in charge

Frontrunners swear oath to use powerful body language, appear busy

Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale


WASHINGTON, D.C.

Candidates in the upcoming 2012 Presidential elections gathered early Wednesday at the Federal Reserve Ballroom in Washington, D.C. to formalize their campaigns. Among the duties and formalities was an oath in which they swore "to uphold the image of a powerful world leader, by using powerful body language, appearing busy, and always looking like [insert name here] is in charge," the La Rochelle Times has learned. If elected, candidates are expected to adhere to constantly maintaining an image of being the dominant group member regardless of what events may occur.

"We have crossed an important threshold here today," said Grant Pardons, Presidential libertarian candidate from Texas, who was among the lesser-known participants at the ceremony. "Now all of us are committed to looking like we are doing something concrete."

"It's really intended to function on a sociological level," said Behavioral Studies Psychologist and Grant Pardons supporter Betty Winze.

"We all know that if our candidate gets in there, he'll make sure to impose his dominant aura while maintaining the status quo, insuring money and no-bid contracts continue to flow into Washington. Also of course he needs to look busy so that no one begins to question why nothing has been done about our fraudulent monetary system, criminal bankers, corrupt officials and systemic breakdown of justice and equality. In order to maintain the fa├žade, we need to make sure all Presidential nominees are ready to look like they are the ones calling the shots."

Attendees were satisfied with the candidates' commitment to mediocrity and triteness, particularly since some Republicans have been known in the past to be unable to keep a straight face while taking oaths.
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