"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him understand the idea of subatomic particles that make up the basic building blocks of quantum mechanics underlying the innate vibrational nature of matter itself."

Friday, December 4, 2009

Glenn Beck urges Americans to 'grow more gold immediately'

Cable news personality throws fit after factual error on program

Amanda Laffatt
La Lune de la presse internationale


Cable television evangelist and notorious apocalypse enthusiast Glenn Beck has urged all Americans to grow more gold in light of recent economic events. On his show Wednesday, Beck prompted fellow citizens to cultivate the precious metal in their gardens in order to create enough of the it to pay off America's outstanding foreign debts, as well as back the dollar with a new gold standard.

"Every American needs to go outside, alot some of their yard space, because we know so many Americans are proud homeowners out there, and plant some gold. Grow more gold immediately. This is the solution to our problems," said the host during his broadcast. He then remarked to someone off-camera, "I'm surprised no one has thought of this before."

It was later pointed out to Beck by his fact-checkers - known as "Beck feckers" in the cable news circle - that gold is actually not grown but mined. The host quickly became irate and hostile. After threatening to sell his stock in the news network and file a complaint against his own show through the Federal Communications Commission, Beck then quickly stood up and threw several chairs and a cup of scalding hot coffee at his producer before running away sobbing loudly. The clip is expected to be leaked to a video-posting website by tomorrow.