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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Middle East in chaos after angry Arab consumers no longer able to afford new Apple products

Alex Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale


The patriotic spirit of freedom recently degenerated into chaos throughout the Middle East, according to reports from La Rochelle Times correspondents in Egypt, Libya, Tunisia and Algeria, after potential customers in the region realized they could no longer afford to purchase the entire line of new Apple products due to stagnant wages and loss of purchasing power.

Angry, seething masses of slave-wage laborers rose up in recent days against their tyrannical governments after finding out their salaries were insufficient to be able to afford the new i-Phone, i-Pad and other luxury electronics goods.

"We are so angry!" said Albi Bak, a protester in the streets of Cairo. "Down with Mubarak! Long live the i-Phone!"

Arab League spokesman Sheikh Djibouti appealed for calm and introspection across the Arab-speaking world:

"Please, I beg of you, please don't break the statues! They were very expensive and they will be hard to replace. We will get you your i-Phones. Just leave the statues alone!"

Other commentators have noted that the region, long known for its stability and cooperation with the United States in world political affairs, could appeal to Washington for a gesture of good will by asking for some free Apple products or even several billion dollars of Apple-store gift cards to be handed out during Ramadan.

Still, the political gesturing and appeals for calm have fallen on deaf ears as street protesters have begun burning buildings and bringing economies to a standstill.

"We will not go quietly into the night," said Hasni al-Redi Ben-Hir, a statuette vendor for Inch-Allah Industries in Tunis. "We demand our new electronics at reasonable prices immediately! We want no discussion, no reasonable commentary about how the Western countries are giving us worthless paper for our irreplacable petrolium. We shall have none of it if we do not get our new Apple i-Phone, may the blood run in the streets!"

Apple executives had no comment on the situation as of Tuesday morning.