Hamilton chosen as sexiest treasurer ever

Status Gives Hamilton Edge on James A. Baker, John W. Snow

Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

ATLANTA, GEORGIA

An independant, bipartisan, lesbian and transexual (IBLT) committee voted unanimously Wednesday afternoon to give Alexander Hamilton the status of Sexiest Treasurer Ever. The news comes just hours after the introduction of the new ten dollar note design, featuring the potrait of the handsome, well endowed statesman.

After years of controversy surrounding the status of the most sexy Secretary of the Treasury, today's vote spells defeat for top contenders such as James A. Baker III, and the current treasurer, John W. Snow.

"We've been victimized since the start," explained Baker late Wednesday afternoon at a press conference. "The liberals have all the power and it's been a priority of theirs to ensure that this man become the most sexy of us all. It's all a Federalist conspiracy!"

It is unknown what positions Hamilton, a Federalist, took on such liberal issues as environmentalism, social policy, education and health care. So-called liberals have denied being part of a larger Federalist political agenda.

Critics of Hamilton's sex symbol status have pointed to older portraits, dating from the period, showing an older, decidedly unsexier functionnary, disgruntled by the late eighteenth century Washington establishment.

Iraq to get new state quarter

51st State Submits New Quarter Design

Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la Presse internationale

WASHINGTON, D.C.

The United States Mint announced Wednesday that a new 2005 edition State Quarter would be minted for the latest addition to the American Union - Iraq.

The design, the winner among hundreds of entries submitted by Iraqi school children, depicts the new Iraqi slogan "The Oil State," followed by the first words of the national anthem, "Die! Die! Die!"

The White House, using its political leverage among the Shi'ite and Kurd minorities, pressured Iraq to adopt the image of a Revolutionary-era soldier. Karl Rove reportedly intended this image to support the White House's claim, which ties the Iraq war to the Revolution, World Wars I and II, the War of Spanish Succession, and the Fall of Carthage. The White House has also repeatedly claimed the war in Iraq is linked to the larger war on terror.

Other design submissions included depictions of Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden, and an American stealth bomber. These were refused, however, after it was remarked that all of them were the end result of massive American defense financing. The images also may have proved controversial for the diverse ethnic populations, who tend to regard the Americans as occupiers, which, technically, they are.

Iraq became the first official state situated on the Asian continent to receive a state quarter, although future quarters may be minted for Afghanistan and Israël. The United Kingdom, also considering a state quarter design, has not yet dediced between the adoption of the Euro or the US dollar.